Sorry, not sorry.
I don’t need you to be sorry for me.
I have been broken, rejected, a fool, hurt, and so much more; but without these things, I would not be who I am.
If we are to meet today, you’d know me as I am now; but in time you would also learn of my past. You’d see the struggles I’ve been through, and feel the urge to say sorry for all I’ve gone through. But, let me stop you right there.
Sorries don’t change the past, or even put things to rest.
Does a farmer apologize to the dirt for digging it up and making it be the support for the seeds they plant? No. If anything, they would be wise to be thankful for it bringing life and sustenance. For the farmer can only work with what they are given.
Our past is much like that dirt the farmer tends to, muddy and messy, but has endless potential. Before we can move on from the past and grow for the future, an honest assessment of our dirt must first be made. Only then can we begin to ask the questions like: Has it been tilled? Does it still need additional care? What’s currently growing? [If anything at all,] and ultimately, what will I grow now?
So… before you say sorry… take measure of who I am now; for the fruit we bear reveals our true nature and how we have tended to the past.
If you see positive growth, there is no need to be sorry. Join in the celebrating of what is happening now. If, however, when you take that measure, all you find are the tales and whispers of the past (a stagnant muddy ground where weeds and bugs go to thrive), that is when you might have the opportunity to say sorry.
At that time, though, remember, it’s not a sorry for the past, but rather, sorry that no one has stepped up and explained how to use that rich, shit-filled soil of the past to grow all that we need. Apologize for the broken world we live in, and then listen.
We are but a mirror to those around us. Obviously, as a mirror, it can be easier to see the trauma or pain of others, often before they’ve even had time to process or notice. Because of this, before you say sorry, ask yourself, “Have I been invited into this?”
Let’s stop apologizing for things we don’t understand. Just because you may know the facts does not mean you understand the feelings or implications of the past. It’s ok to be silent.
In the movie, “The Wolf of Wall Street”, there is a scene where the actor, Leonardo DiCaprio, is showing his newly formed team how to make a cold call, and while the situation in the film is less than ethical, there is a hidden truth right there. The same truth you will see in the story of Job.
Before you apologize:
Make your presence known and let them know you’re there for them.
Then… shut up!
Wait.
Don’t break the silence.
Wait.
Say nothing until they speak.
Let them talk and open your ears.
Open your ears to the power of silence. If we truly listen, we’ll know what to say (if anything at all) when they have finished sharing. There will be no need to think about how to respond or what to say next. The IS within each of us, the voice of God, will have been writing prose the whole time we’ve held our ears open for a friend. Only our IS can help us understand, and without understanding, anything said would only be self-serving and devoid of anything worthy of a sorry.
I’m not looking for sorries, I’m sharing my stories. As you learn of my past, I hope you’ll see what I’m growing and have a desire to grow with me. I am sorry it has taken me so long to write this, but all I can hope now is that it’s not misunderstood.